


And So It Has Passed

by Kundiman



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied romance but it's not the focus of the fic, Letting go and moving on, Other, Slice of Life, Speculation, What Could Have Been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 18:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4446947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kundiman/pseuds/Kundiman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A speculative fic that explores the possibilities of the life Homura could have had if she hadn't made a contract with Kyuubey.  Rated T for themes and because PMMM is kinda not for kids in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And So It Has Passed

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd. Please feel free to message me about any corrections. Long explanation at the bottom.

Homura Akemi encountered a magical girl on her way home from work that day.

At least, she thinks it's a magical girl. She thought she saw her slipping into the alleyway next to her apartment, fiery red hair and embellished red dress. She looked about 15, but Homura wasn't sure. In any case, way too young to be out this late. Neither should she, honestly, but work kept her late, and being 26 gives you more freedom to choose your bedtime. Either way, she's gone now, if she ever did exist, and she makes her way into the apartment complex.

Homura rings the intercom in the flat she shares with Hitomi, her roommate. She feels a bit sheepish for waking her up this late, but thankfully Hitomi has the patience of a saint, and warmly welcomes her home regardless. She's even kind enough to make her tea.

They converse a bit over a nice blend of chamomile and peppermint, and Homura enjoys the peace and domesticity. They'd been classmates back in middle school, but they didn't really converse much back then aside from the daily formalities. Still, the acquaintance was welcomed when Homura was looking for a flat, as it ensured she wouldn't be bunking with a total stranger. They ended up getting along really well, since they both had a penchant for tidiness and a taste for the classic. Homura had decided she rather liked Hitomi.

At 1:00 AM they bid each other goodnight and retired to their rooms. Homura had been concerned at how little sleep she'll be afforded tonight, but Hitomi promised her waffles tomorrow, so it wasn't too bad.

~~

"You look like crap today. You sure you should've showed up?"

Sayaka Miki, her officemate and daily nuisance, called from the opposite cubicle. Homura forced a tired smile and said it's fine, she'll live. 

Sayaka gave her a sardonic smile. "Don't say I didn't warn you if you go have a stroke."

Homura rolled her eyes. "You have a funny way of showing your concern." She knows it's genuine, though. Sayaka pushes her hard, but she has a good heart. In fact, it was Sayaka herself who pointed out that her friend Hitomi was looking for a roommate, and for that she was eternally grateful. She liked Sayaka enough, but sometimes her energy could be a bit hard to keep up with. Who knows how they would have gotten along when they were younger. Sayaka may well have given her a stroke.

They ate lunch together that day, as they do every other day, talking about the little inanities of work. Back in middle school, Homura had found that she had a knack for math and statistics, which landed her a career in programming. Sayaka on the other hand decided to actually pursue music instead of "just listening to music with Kyosuke all the time," as she had once said, over coffee in the new cafe across the street they decided to visit on a whim one day. Eventually this brought them together in a small company for an independent video game developer, where they work today. The pay wasn't much, the hours were long, but the work was rewarding and friends were nearby, so Homura didn't mind. In fact, she was rather happy with the setup.

Later Sayaka accompanied Homura to the apartment, planning to drop by and say hello to her old friend. Homura listened contentedly as they reminisced about times gone by. Mostly, they liked to complain about Kyosuke, an old flame of theirs. They'd both liked him back then, and Homura could imagine the rift it must have caused the friends. But they were young, they were in love, and, as they would later learn, they were stupid. As it turns out, dating Kyosuke wasn't all it cracked up to be. Something about being a failed virtuoso apparently makes you more insensitive. After Sayaka had broken up with him, Hitomi jumped at the chance, only to learn the same thing. The two laugh when they look back to it, remembering the folly of their youth. It seemed like such a big deal back then. "Twelve years’ worth of hindsight," Sayaka had said. And Homura laughs with them.

~~

Hitomi drove Homura to the hospital for her monthly checkup that day. Homura had insisted that she go alone, but Hitomi would have none of it. "It'll be fine," she had said, citing that being the heir to her father's company, she had more flexible allowances. When Homura teasingly pointed it out as an abuse of her power, Hitomi confidently said it was for a righteous cause. In this case, it was for her poor little friend who needed a ride to the hospital. Homura sighed theatrically and gracefully admitted defeat.

As luck would have it, they encountered Kyosuke there, who sheepishly smiled their way. The two waved back and giggled among themselves. Word spread fast back in middle school, and people weren't too appreciative of Kyosuke's attitude back then, especially against Hitomi, the local princess. Eventually, he stopped being so snippy with both friends and family, and his classmates forgave him. Still, he felt uncomfortable interacting with Sayaka and Hitomi, which holds true until today. Time had mellowed his attitude, but not his regrets, apparently.

Homura came back to the lounge and a waiting Hitomi with a prescription and a smile. The doctor had said that she seemed to be doing better enough to warrant a smaller dosage of her medicine, and even allowed her more physical activity. Hitomi declared they would celebrate with an all-beef, all-pork buffet, to which a horrified Homura tried to dissuade her from. "I was only joking," Hitomi had said laughing. Of course she was, but she may have very well carried through with it if Homura hadn't stopped her, or so she thought. She wasn't taking any chances.

They decided to walk home that day, believing that it would do both of them good to get the exercise in light of the doctor's advice. Hitomi called her father's valet to come pick up the car from the hospital, and the two stopped by a bakery to buy a small cake for dessert later.

~~

A redheaded girl was found dead that day, the news bulletin said.

She was found by construction workers in an old decrepit church. The autopsy report stated that the girl was around 15 years old, and that the cause of death is unknown. An investigation was being carried out at this moment.

Homura, Hitomi, and Sayaka were gathered around the coffee table at that same moment, Sayaka deciding to crash at their place for the weekend. It was a Friday night, but they had decided to stay in that day, drinking jasmine tea in between slices of leftover cake (Sayaka wouldn't let them get away with not inviting her yesterday). They sat in silence as the anchorwoman relayed the details of the gruesome discovery over the television set.

Police had learned that she was related to the family that was murdered there that day. The father, a well-known pastor, had killed his family and himself in a fit of drunken rage one night, several years ago. The bodies of the mother, father, and younger daughter had been found, but the elder child was nowhere to be found. Police thought that she had escaped the massacre, but couldn't find a trace of her. And now, here she is, lying lifelessly as if her ill-fated death that day had finally caught up to her.

"But I thought that happened years ago," Hitomi had been the one to break the silence. "She should be roughly the same age as us now."

The news report continued, stating as much, and said that the police speculate that this is not her, but in fact her daughter. The three grimaced at the implications. The news report concluded by stating that the Sakura case had been re-opened, before moving on to the stock market.

They sat quietly like that for a bit, contemplating on what they had just learned. For some reason they couldn't comprehend, this particular news story hit them hard. Hitomi assumed that it's due to the elder daughter having been in their age group, and that it might have happened to any of them. Sayaka hesitantly agreed, though the explanation didn't seem right to her. Homura said nothing, but clenched her fists and looked down.

Her silence didn't slip by her friends unnoticed. Sayaka, who was nearest to Homura, placed a hand on her shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze. She smiled and returned the gesture by placing her hand on top of Sayaka's. Hitomi turned off the TV, and offered her a refill of her cup, which Homura gratefully accepted. They all had the same thing, or rather person, on their minds.

They were all close with Madoka Kaname. Sayaka had grown up with her, and they were inseparable right until middle school, when they had made new friends and drifted apart. While she didn't know her as long as Sayaka, Hitomi was good friends with her too. Homura knew her the shortest, but loved her the dearest. She owed a lot to the kind pink-haired girl, who stood up for her when nobody would. Who told her she was more than she thought she is inspired her to be the person she is today. Who had saved her life one day and, unbeknownst to everyone, saved the whole city too.

Kyuubey, the creature who gave Madoka and her partner Mami their contracts, had offered to make her a magical girl that day, in exchange for Madoka's life. She came very close to accepting it. But halfway through stating her wish, she stopped, leaving the creature quite confused. In a moment of sudden clarity, she thought of how Madoka gave her life so that she would live, and who was she to throw that away, undeserving as she is? If she became a magical girl now, she would be spitting in the face of that sacrifice. She wouldn't be able to face her again, knowing that. And so, despite the tumult of emotions raging in her heart, she decided she would live, for Madoka's sake, and take care of those that she loved.

It took all her strength to turn down that wish.

The firefighters found her there in the ruins, crying beside her best friend, and as she would later realize, her first love. They were considerate enough, genuinely consoling her on her loss and even bringing her along to Madoka's parents when they brought the unhappy news.

Sad as they were, the Kaname family was grateful for the girl who had braved the wind and rain to accompany their daughter in her final moments. Homura remembers how Mrs. Kaname, thinking she had fallen asleep, had draped a blanket on her when she was keeping silent vigil over Madoka's casket. She hadn't felt kindness like that since Madoka was alive. They had found each other, Homura and the Kanames, two broken pieces drifting together in the aftermath of the storm.

At the family's insistence, she stayed over at their place for a while. While it was welcome, the change from an empty house to a busy home was startling. It was awkward at first, especially with all the funeral arrangements (on the Kanames' part) and police statements (on Homura's part). But she grew fond of the domesticity, helping Mr. Kaname around in the gardens or babysitting Tatsuya while his parents were away. The little one had even taken to calling her big sister, a title that Homura was hesitant to accept as she felt like she was replacing Madoka. But Tatsuya, and the rest of the family, assured her in their own way. She wasn't Madoka, and they weren't her parents, but they were family nonetheless.

So when Mr. and Mrs. Kaname had come home with adoption papers one day, she agreed to it immediately.

(Homura kept her last name however. She couldn't bear to take the name that was once Madoka's.)

Homura had just realized she was crying then, and that Hitomi and Sayaka were on either side embracing her, and that they were crying too. Perhaps, she thought, that it was this unspoken understanding that brought them together, three seemingly very different people. Despite having different lives and different interests, they understood each other when it mattered, as if some unseen thread of fate bound their souls together.

Homura chose to believe this thread was colored pink.

~~

Homura Akemi had a nightmare that evening.

She dreamt that she was standing in the ruins of a city, in the shadow of a great and terrible being. Kyuubey was standing to her right, nonchalantly washing its ears. In her dream, she felt that she failed.

"In ten days the creature once known as Madoka Kaname will destroy the world," it had said. "But we incubators have already harvested all the energy we needed from this world, so it doesn't matter now."

Homura felt nothing but hatred for that creature, in her dream. In a final act of defiance, she started walking away.

"You're giving up already?"  
"It's no use. I'm just wasting my time standing around here."  
"Wait a minute, that means you-!"

And with that, Homura reset the timeline.

And Homura dreamt that she fell into an endless void. Always trying, always failing, resetting the timelines, again and again and again, for 12 long years...

Homura woke up in a cold sweat. She was still in the living room with Hitomi and Sayaka, the three of them having decided earlier to turn in there on the kotatsu for the night. She took a couple of deep breaths, then stood up and fumbled around for a notebook, a pencil, and a cold glass of water. She wrote down what she could remember amid large gulps of water, then tried to go back to sleep.

She did not dream anymore that night.

~~

The girls headed out to the cemetery the next day, having agreed on it the night before. They arrived at the gravestone of Madoka Kaname, with Mami Tomoe's not too far off. A freshly dug patch of land across the lane, they observed, was said to be for one Kyoko Sakura, once her body is released from the autopsy lab.

Homura dusted the dirt off of Madoka's headstone, before the three laid down flowers beside it. They stood in silence like that for a while, before Homura spoke up to finish the eulogy she lacked the strength to give at Madoka's funeral.

"Madoka..." she started, tears already starting to fall. "I... I feel like I haven't thanked you enough for everything you've done for us... for me."

"You... you were... are... the most precious person there is to me. More than a best friend or a sister or a lover. You were there for me when I was at my lowest. You were there for me when nobody else was. You were there for me, even after you were gone, in your friends and your family and in all that you loved. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you, and yet I could never repay the kindness that you showed me. I was so alone, and I owe you so much."

Hitomi and Sayaka didn't say anything, but they silently took Homura's hands and just held her like that, giving her space but conveying their solidarity.

"Sometimes... sometimes I regret not doing anything that day. I could have wished to save you. I could have wished to repay all that you've done for me. And I wonder what it would have been like, to fight by your side, to protect you. Maybe we would have been happy then. I don't know. And I'll never know."

"Something stopped me then. I thought of your sacrifice, your courage, how you thought of me at the very end... I couldn't throw that away. I can't bear the thought of disappointing you. I couldn't face you, knowing that I've failed you. S-so I didn't."

Homura fell silent for a moment, unsure of what she should say next. Sayaka gently squeezed her hand. Hitomi gave her an encouraging smile. They didn't question or judge what she had to say; they merely accepted it as it is. It was those simple gestures of love that held so much weight for Homura. She allowed herself a little smile. A small one, but one of genuine happiness.

"You know, looking back 12 years later, things don't seem so bad. I have a good job, great friends, and a happy life. I even got a loving family along the line. I'd like to think they're gifts from you, b-because I managed to be brave. That's all you've ever wanted from me, right? For me to become my own person, and to see in myself what you saw in me."

"At first, I did it for you. I wanted to honor your memory by living for you the life that you no longer could. I grew stronger and braver to honor your sacrifice. I hope that when the day comes where we'll be together again, you'll say that I've done you proud. The memory of you, who you were, what you've asked of me, and what you've done for me is what kept me going all this time, and for that I'll be eternally grateful."

Homura stood silent for a few moments, gathering her courage. Then, she let go of her companions' hands. She took a deep breath to steady herself, before finally speaking.

"For 12 years, I've lived for you. Today, I... I'd like to live for myself, from now on. I- I'm finally strong enough to stand on my own, and I want to be strong for my own sake now. I'll always honor your memory, but I'd like to let you go now. So rest in peace, and remember that you were, and always will be, my very best friend."

Homura allowed herself to cry silently for a few moments more, then nodded to the two to signal that she was done. Hitomi and Sayaka wasted no time in giving her a much-needed embrace, only letting go when Homura did.

They stopped by a nearby shrine and left a little offering before they went on their way. Hitomi talked about her plan to take them all out for a night on the town, where they would shop and eat and dance and sing and just live. Normally they would consider this frivolous, but everyone agreed a change of pace was much welcomed.

Homura looked forward to it. Later she will still be spending time with her friends, talking with them about anything and everything. She'd have a restful sleep tonight, and wake up to a bright summer morning tomorrow. Hitomi will cook a nice big continental-style breakfast, which they'll eat at the balcony. Sayaka will insist on watching the American cartoons they'd air on Sunday mornings, and they'll tune in until lunchtime, where they'll go out and find a nice cafe. They’ll go shopping for groceries in the afternoon, and part ways with Sayaka in the evening. She and Hitomi will watch TV until they fall asleep, and she'll dream of colorful cartoon animals.

On Monday she'll head off to work, where she'll be with Sayaka again, and they would chat until it was time to focus on work. Later she’ll pitch a game idea to the CEO, about a pink-haired girl who fought the darkness for her friends, and how she would give her life up in the end. Sayaka will roll her eyes and nudge her for being cheesy, but she'll be one of its most vocal supporters and pour her heart into making the soundtrack. The CEO will like it, and in a year or so her game will come out, getting awards left and right, and she will make a name for herself in this industry that she'd chosen. Then on this same day a year from now, she, Hitomi, and Sayaka will toast to their success on the balcony of a bigger apartment on the uptown side of Mitakihara. Accolades belonging to the three would line the walls, a testament to a fruitful year. A year lived for herself.

Homura looked up to the sky and smiled, dreaming of a bright future. And for the first time in a long time, she was at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> *kotatsu - a low, wooden table frame covered by a futon, or heavy blanket, upon which a table top sits. Underneath is a heat source, often built into the table itself (from Wikipedia).
> 
> Official sources say that Homura went through close to a hundred loops, and some people calculated this to be around 12 years, if one loop equaled roughly a month and a half. And I thought, "Oh man, if she hadn't made a wish, she'd have been 26 by then. Imagine the life she would have led."
> 
> The challenge in making this fic was trying to show the trio's maturity without having it come off as out of character. I mean, it's been 12 years after all. Homura is still as reserved as she was, but now a bit more open with her friends and more confident in herself and her abilities. Sayaka no longer carries the skewed black-and-white mentality that led to her downfall as a magical girl, but still retains her kindness and desire to do right by others. Hitomi was probably the least changed since I already like her as she is. She's considerate, but she doesn't let other people take advantage of her, and that hasn't changed. I just expanded on it by demonstrating her independence from her father, by choosing to live in a rented flat and driving her own car.
> 
> Speaking of which, you can tell where I took artistic liberties in this fic. The "Homura and Sayaka become part of a video game company" is a bit of self-indulgence on my part. Still, I tried to keep it as in-character as possible. In the show, Homura eventually learns to become good with numbers (as evidenced by her using statistics to estimate Walpurgisnacht's place of appearance based on previous data that she gathered in past loops), and it's always been established that Sayaka likes music, regardless of Kyosuke's role in that. Hitomi's apparently rich, so I interpreted that as her family being part of a large business. I also followed the "To The Stars" interpretation of magical girl aging, so Kyoko has barely aged here, if at all (Check it out in your spare time, by the way).
> 
> I would also like to note that this fic was partly speculation, and partly an exercise in character. I wanted to see what the remaining girls' lives would have been if they hadn't become magical girls, and how they would have grown since then. What would change, and what would stay constant? How would 12 years' worth of maturity affect Homura's grief at Madoka's death? The title is made to reflect this, being derived from the famous phrase "This too shall pass."
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading the fic; I know it was rather melodramatic but that's what I like to do best. Please feel free to post your own speculations and any constructive criticism that you might have. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
> 
> (References to Sherlock and A Great and Terrible Beauty unintended.)


End file.
